DND

I really feel like crying but I am not able to squeeze out a teardrop.
I really feel pain but numb at the same time.
I really do not know what to do but deep down, I think I know the answer.
I really do not to want do it but I feel that I must.
I think I'm sure but I'm not at all.
Gosh... I am really feeling very insecure about myself.
Why is everybody speaking contradictory things about me?!?!?!??!?!?
One say that I'm good at something, the other say that I'm the worst at the same thing.
WELL, WHICH ONE IS IT!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Now I am just being mad!
The people that says that I'm good at that something, must be either lying to me or think too highly of me.
The other group that says me being the worst in that same thing, is definitely NOT LYING to me.
It's like telling me to throw whatever I've learned out the window and begin from scratch!!
I JUST WANNA SCREEEEAAAAMMMM but just can't!! DAMN IT!

The Fortune of the Day is...

What better way to start off the CNY with a fortune cookie! Mum bought it from Cold Storage and it tasted like oranges!

So my fortune for this first day of CNY is...

"Your dreams are never silly, depend on them to guide you."

When my parents saw it, they had that look on their faces. I know what they are thinking. They are thinking that, "Your dreams are ALWAYS SILLY!!!" Oh well... *shrugged* doesn't matter =)

Happy CNY people!!!!

Year of the Ox 2009

Picture courtesy of duosun00

祝大家农历新年快乐！！！

I should not be here... blogging about my day

I should be studying or writing my article right now... obviously I'm not or else I wouldn't be here writing this post. I finally got a good comment from my brother. Oh.. wait let me rewind a bit and tell you the details...

As I had said before, I am preparing for an admission test which is consists of 4 parts - 3 parts are all MCQs and 1 part is essay writing. I asked my eldest brother to help me out with my essays because the suggested topics are related to law, politics, education... basically general knowledge. By the way, I DON'T HAVE GENERAL KNOWLEDGE!!! The only reason why I flipped through the newspaper is because of the entertainment section and the comic section. In other words, I hardly read newspapers. AT ALL. So you can see... I am totally screwed for this test. Shoo Shoo!! Shoo the negativity away!

I practiced writing two essays to my brother and his verdict was... in his exact words...

"Your english is really poor!"
"...there are much too many mistakes here for someone with your level of education."
I was like... DAMN. I trust my brother. He made my essay looked like a primary schooler quality. To think I have been deceived by some many people, saying that my english is good... Obviously you haven't met my brother.

"...your essay lacks an element of maturity."
Double the blow! I'm already in my early twenties and yet still I'm not considered as someone mature... sad...

"You need to plan out your essay." (paraphrased)
Sigh... that's my weak point. I always write whatever that comes to mind without really thinking about whether do I make sense or not. Just like right now. Not thinking much and just writing.

For my defence, I wrote each essay under the allocated 30 minutes. Actually it is just an excuse to make me feel less inferior anyway.

SO... today I rewrote one of the essays and took I don't know about 2 hours to complete it. I got a reply from my brother also 2 hours later and guess what he said?

"The tone of this essay is certainly better than the previous two that you've written so far..."
YES!!! I know I know, I get overhappy over little things like this! At least I could say I did my best. Downside is... I am still making grammatical mistakes and the time I used to write the essay was too long. I am glad he noticed that I am making the effort.

Back to the present, I should be working hard on my next essay and article for submission. However, every time I get a praise or a good commnet by someone, I slack.... I slack a whole lot. Just like right now, watching Singaporean's videos and reading XiaXue's blog. Tsk Tsk... Yupe I am definitely screwed if I don't buck up. I just don't get it why I can get so happy over little things like this??? That is something I will never know or don't bother to find out.

I better get back to work then... Maybe....

Astro Battleground 2008

Yes!!! ECX WON!!!! I was supporting Twister Genies initially but ECX stole my heart after the restaurant dance sketch. Enjoy!

Learning to Take One Step at a Time

Neglecting blogging for a long time is a very sad, cold and lonely matter... Poor bloggie...

O.K... ew... can't believe I actually thought of that as the opening words for today. Anyway, these two weeks I have been doing some volunteering work at the Penang Spastic Center. It has been so great! I've met a lot of interesting spastic children which I have become friends with. In case you have no idea what SPASTIC means, it is disability that occurs normally during delivery causing the child to have certain damage to the brain, affecting mainly their motor function, resulting unable to walk, speak or involuntary muscle movements. Mind you, they are NOT STUPID at all! Just because they may not appeared to be the normal kids running around, it does not mean that they are mentally challenged. I learnt that through my two weeks here. The people there are really helpful in helping me making my two weeks there worthwhile by teaching me things about Occupational Therapy, Physiotherapy and Speech Learning. I would love to post up some pictures of the kids that I have met but now it's not really sufficient. Hopefully during the weekend or next week. I am rather saddened by the fact that tomorrow will be my last day volunteering but also relieved. Relieved in the sense that I can finally focus on my PTJ and MCAT. Juggling three things for two weeks was not easy at all.

Oh... did I forgot to mention? I have a PJT in short for part time job! Well, I was very thrilled when I got it because I always wanted to earn some extra cash during the holidays. Anyways, this is the site: http://www.surfloft.com and you'll know what I am working as. I was never a gadget freak nor ever interested in IT but this kind of exposure taught me a lot of new things. Go ahead and check it out. Do let me know what you think! :-)


I am also preparing for an university admission test which requires a lot of studying, studying, testing, exam and a whole lot more of studying. And yet... I am slacking. I can't believe I am actually saying this during my HOLIDAY!!! Ohh... well... at least it will make my holiday more worthwhile than just sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing. Anyways, gotta sleep now for the final day in the Spastic Center. Don't wanna be late. Toodles.

Two lines requires no TITLE

My demons are out to get me... AGAIN...
Sigh... *sarcasm* Great... Just great...

New Year but Old me... sob...

It's been three days working in the Spastic Center and the experience is just... different. Yeah, I can't think of another word to describe this feeling at the moment. Each day I am seeing something different in the kids and learning new stuff about them as well. One thing I definitely learned from all these is that I'm getting old. Yes I may be in my early twenties, but handling kids everyday is really tiring! I came home everyday and I went straight to sleep for several hours. And those who knows me well, will know that I don't take afternoon naps!!!! I need to build up my stamina! Anyway, learnt a new word from my friend, this blog will be on hiatus for a while as I am juggling with NGO, PTJ and MCAT. Have no idea what the hell I am saying...? Will update soon... hopefully.

Hectic life - BEGIN

Starting from Jan 5 (which is tomorrow, by the way), a hectic life awaits... Should I be happy or sad or nervous? I have simply no idea. Words just fail me at the moment.

As of tomorrow, I have registered myself to do some volunteer work in The Cerebral Palsy (Spastic) Children's Association of Penang for a short period hopefully. I applied for it because I thought my holiday would be too long and wasteful if I don't find something useful to do. Unexpectedly, a lot is going to happen this dreadful month. Backing out of it is a NO NO. Will fill in more details in times to come. I have no idea whether I can cope or not but I know I will try my very best. Right now, it's bed time. Good night and have pleasant dreams.

Talking to Me, Myself and I

Present Self:
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!!!! WOW!!! I am beyond estactic!!!

Reality Self:
Calm down... Calm down.... Ohhh get a grip! It might not work out... I have three things to manage now! And I know my time management is terrible! Don't get over excited!

Balance Self:
Don't worry, I just need to find the right balance when I juggle with three things.

Nervous Self:
*stammered* Are you sure?? Do you think I'll be all right?? Gosh.... What did I get myself into?

Positivity Self:
I just have to do my best... And who knows? It might turn out better than I expected it!

A New Day Has Come

It never gets old... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

May 2009 brings much more hope, love, peace, life opportunities and life experiences for our future!